Long time no see...let me vent

So we meet again, dear blog.

Here you are untouched but needed. I've needed this outlet since the day that I opened it but I keep telling myself that I don't. I keep lying to myself and telling myself I'm adult.

But what does that even mean? How am I supposed to quantify that? Live my life by it?

How am I supposed to cope with being lied to? Betrayed by your closest.

As I sit here I ask myself if I want to wallow. Do I want to cry? Yes. Do I want to crawl into a ball and forget my responsibilities? Yes. If I could go back in time would I do it differently? Yes. Yes. Yes. Even if it meant I didn't get to raise my beautiful daughter. I feel like I would give it all up not to feel this betrayal.

And then on top of the betrayal...it's the nonchalant way it's written off as "emotional issues."

NO...no you don't get to do that! You don't get to determine that I'm defective because you did something wrong and now you're upset about my response. No...you don't get to do that...


But alas...that's what you've just done. Now I'm 'making mountains out of mole hills." Now I'm "ungrateful." Now I'm "emotionally unstable." And out of all that truth...outta all that critique not one critique lands on the culprit.

No you just get to keep rolling on...rolling on...moving through towns and cities taking the hearts of women and pretending to be a knight in shining armor. Then, when they finally get wind of who you really are, you rid yourself of any responsibility by convincing yourself "she's crazy,"

There is only one problem now....

I don't give one flying f*ck how you feel about me. I couldn't care less about your unwarranted analytics of me and my life. Quite literally if you died today I'd consider it a personal favor from God.

I didn't ask for you demon....I didn't ask for your abuse, for your lies.

I didn't ask to spend all these nights crying myself to sleep feeling like I was going insane because my gut is telling me something is amiss but your disgusting lying mouth is telling me another.

Why in the WORLD I chose to believe you over myself is beyond me.

But today I am BEYOND that. Today my rose colored glasses fell from my face and shattered on the ground. I can now see you clearly for the disgusting, lying, moocher, that you are. If I could wash my skin off with a brillo pad I would...just to get the stench of you off of me.


I can't write enough vile words to describe the things you've done to me. And I can't wait to read them all at your funeral.

See you in hell you cowardly piece of lying bull crap.